**We have pictures that we took during the birth process, but I really
feel like those are too personal and still make me super emotional to look at,
so I'm not including them. Instead, I'm putting some adorable pictures from
Teddy's newborn session into this post.**
Chris and I went to my 38 week OB appointment to see how Baby did on
the non-stress test and to discuss pushing back my induction by another week or
so. The appointment started off with me having high blood pressure. Typically,
I don’t have high blood pressure, but have had it before appointments that I
deem “scary” (this was one!). They’ve always retested later in the appointment,
and I’ve always been fine. When they began the non-stress test, Teddy was
apparently sleeping (and not showing the variations they like to see with his
heart rate), so they had to zap him with the vibrator. Then his heart rate
skyrocketed, which set off the alarms on the machine. While my doctor assured
us it was a very normal reaction, and that Baby looked very healthy on the
readings, I was absolutely terrified. First it looked like he was too
lethargic, then it looked like his heart rate was too high. I wanted him out
where we could monitor him 24 hours a day if needed. However, after an ultrasound
where Teddy looked great and met several 38 week milestone markers within only
a few minutes, I decided to allow the induction to be pushed back to closer to
39 weeks. At the end of the appointment, however, my blood pressure was still
pretty high. Our doctor said we should just induce the next day as planned due
to that.
We went into the induction the next day not really sure what to expect.
I knew I was being induced, but I really had no idea what that meant. After
several doctors came in and asked why I was being induced at 38 weeks, I
started to feel like I was jeopardizing Baby’s health and wondered if the
entire day was a bad idea. When I voiced my concerns, they said that he would
be fine, but the hospital could get “dinged” on some scorecard because he was
going to be considered an “early term” birth. They assured me he would be fine,
though. Because my blood pressure was still high, I was diagnosed with gestational
hypertension which meant that they medically needed to induce.
After a quick check, it was decided that I was not quite as dilated as
my doctor had said I was the day before (Bless her, I think she errors closer
to what I want to hear). They had to put some bulb inside of me to dilate me.
The plan was that when it fell out, I would get pitocin. After a few hours, I
asked when they thought it was going to fall out. They said maybe as long as
TWELVE HOURS. There was no way I could allow that to happen. I was already
having some uncomfortable contractions that the morphine wasn’t really
helping. I willed my body to dilate. It
worked! The bulb fell out after 4 hours around 2pm. That meant that I was 4-5
centimeters dilated and I was ready for pitocin!
The joke was on me because the pitocin needed a 1-1 nurse, which they
said wasn’t available at the time (though I noticed 10+ nurses sitting in the
monitoring room--I’m sure they were all actually busy, but I was incredibly
bitter at at the time). I hadn’t slept the night before (and had somehow
survived the entire pregnancy on only 4-6 hours each night of sleep) and was SO
READY to meet my baby and make sure he was alive and healthy. They suggested
going for a walk. Chris and I did a little shopping at the hospital gift store
(bought some Skittles and some Runts--Leah had been asking the day before about
what my favorite candy as a kid was, so I wanted to share them with her), and
walked outside in some crazy brick paver maze they had set up outside. I was
hesitant to stay away for too long, though, because I really liked being hooked
up to monitors. I liked seeing his heart rate and knowing that he was okay.
When we got back to our room, I plugged in the monitor that measured Teddy's
heart rate. It said ZERO. Thank God he immediately started hiccupping. The
monitor needed more gel, and then was able to measure correctly. We were SO
CLOSE, but it all still seemed so scary.
At 5:00, since nothing was happening yet, we invited the girls up to
the hospital. Aunt Renee and Hannah brought them both up. They were both a
little unsure. I had explained to them that I was going to be hooked to
monitors and have an IV in my hand. Leah really didn’t want to see me in pain.
Since I wasn’t, she was totally okay. She wanted to get in the bed and cuddle.
Juliet was happy walking around and talking to us all. When it came time to leave,
Leah cried. It reminded me so much of her leaving the hospital after I had
Juliet with Chris. It was so sad. She said later that she was so scared about
how her life was going to change, and afraid that I wasn’t going to care about
her anymore.
Around 7, they finally started pitocin. Everything was okay until
around 9ish when the contractions started to get really bad. Everything hurt
and I was so tired that I could feel myself starting to lose it emotionally.
They got me an epidural so I could try to sleep and I started to feel better,
though I somehow remember only feeling “pressure” with the previous epidurals whereas
this time I still felt pain, only more muted. Renee came back to the hospital
around 11:30ish because we all thought that baby would be arriving sooner rather
than later. When I was checked again around midnight, I WAS STILL ONLY DILATED
TO A 4 or 5. I totally lost it. I was convinced that the induction was a joke
and they were going to make me be in labor for the next few days. I wanted to
be so mean to the doctor, but still wanted her to like me enough to deliver my
baby as quickly as possible and also as safely as possible, so I controlled
myself.
It turns out that the monitors they were using weren’t the most
reliable because the censors were outside my belly, and while we all thought
the pitocin was working, it really wasn’t doing much (which was weird given the
amount of pain I was in). They put an internal monitor and upped the pitocin.
Then Teddy started showing signs of mild distress with his heart rate. They had
to put me in the same weird positions they did with Juliet. Chris calls one of
them, “Woolly Mammoth”. It was so uncomfortable. The epidural made me legs feel
like they weighed 700 pounds. The doctor had broke my water and then put fluid
back in due to Teddy's dropping heart rate so I felt like it was just a
continuous gush of fluid coming out of me that wouldn’t let up. They kept having
me lift up to change the sheets/pads which was so hard for me to do with my 700
pound legs. It was hard to move and I just felt like I belonged on “My 600
Pound Life”.
By 1:00 AM, I was just crying, shivering, and feeling itchy non-stop.
The only thing that made me feel a little happy was that his birthday wasn’t
going to be on 4/20. Everything itched and I was so tired that I could barely
talk. I asked Chris and Renee to talk so that I could listen. I’m pretty sure I
just laid there and listened to them talk and cried for an hour.
At 2:00 AM, the doctor came back and told me I was ready to push. It
felt so weird to know that I was so close the meeting the baby I had wanted for
the past 2 and a half years. I knew we were so close to finish line, but I also
knew that something could still go horribly wrong. I wanted to push and meet
him, but I was also scared to. After 1 push, the doctor said the cord was
around his neck. They paged a baby nurse. I was somehow totally convinced that
this meant he was dying, so I pushed HARD. I pushed no matter whether I was
feeling a contraction or not. It hurt more than I remember, but I pushed as
hard as I could. 2 pushes later and he was out! 3 pushes total! A new record.
He was born at 2:20 AM.
Our hospital had changed how the first hour is after birth. It is now 1 hour of skin to skin. They don’t clean them off, or weigh them, or anything. They put him on my chest and he looked so white. I kept crying because for a minute I seriously thought they were putting a dead baby on my chest. Chris was scared, too, because the cry wasn't as immediate as he remembered from the girls. Then he started to cry! It was equal parts relieving (that he was crying) and sad (because I just wanted him to be happy). The doctor kept saying, “he needs to cry! It’s good!” He got pink right away and I just couldn’t believe that he was here. All I remember saying is “he’s alive! I’m so happy he’s alive!”. I must have said those words hundreds of times. He had very obvious white blond hair which was so surprising to me. His face was a good mix of Leah and Juliet but still totally his own. When nobody tried to take him after a few minutes, I started to relax. I knew that meant that he wasn’t dying or in trouble.
My doctor gave me and Teddy a huge hug before she left. It was so
emotional to think of everything we have been though as a doctor and patient.
But, we ended on the highest note possible. A healthy and happy baby and
mother.
I barely remember the hour he was on me now. When they took him for the
medical stuff after the hour, I asked Renee to get me the sandwich she had
brought up earlier. I sat in the bed feeling like Homer Simpson eating the
sandwich with my eyes rolled halfway back into my head. Then I fell asleep. I
was so happy that he was alive, and healthy, it was like my body just
collapsed. Chris and Renee spent some time cuddling him while I napped for a
half hour or so.
Going to the bathroom afterward was as traumatic as I remember, but I
was so ready to get out of the delivery room. They wheeled us to the recovery
room and I was so excited. I got to go a recovery room with my healthy baby! It
was a success! They played to lullaby song that they played with Leah 8 years
ago and I misted up. I was so happy to have my baby boy!
Welcome to the World, Theodore!
(also known as Teddy, or T. Bear, or Todd -- if you are naughty!)
4/21/18
2:21 AM
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